Insomnia, REM And CBD Oil!!

If you are not interested in reading about my mundane daily life……catch you on my next blog. But if you are interested in the life and times of a fellow LIFELONG sleep deprived adult….to you I say…..WELCOME my fellow deranged ones!!!

Now, it is important to begin by saying that I have always tried to maintain a fairly healthy lifestyle. I have tried to ensure I was as active as possible and have always been a strong believer that the food we put in our bodies contributes nine tenths to our medical and emotional wellbeing, particularly in this day and age.  I mean….what with our stress levels through the roof, unhealthy environment and manic lifestyles, it is only responsible to try and ensure that we remain healthy where we have the power and control to do so. Of course, even ‘’healthy’’ food is not so healthy any longer, and virtually everything we consume now has additives, pesticides and the like, but we can only do our best.

The fact that I existed on sugar and fat for a good few years is irrelevant. Well, okay, totally relevant, but I was not eating wheat and dairy so at least it kinda, sorta balanced out. Also irrelevant is the fact that I absolutely DO NOT smoke….why would you even think such a thing, who have you been talking to??? Okay, this too is relevant, but it is kinda, sorta my only guilty pleasure. I mean, I hate the fact that I smoke, am self conscious of going within a 50 yard radius of anything that breathes after having had a cigarette, and pretty much only do it in front of people that I am fairly comfortable with. All in all, I am an ardent anti-smoker, and totally disapprove of it…….but yet…..

As confused as you might be, it gets worse. I am very disciplined, have oodles of self control and you would virtually have to tie me down before I would agree to take any non herbal or homeopathic medication. I mean, you won’t find me putting POISON in MY temple……but yet…..

Just prior to our COVID lockdown, we had a days notice that the sale of cigarettes was going to be banned until further notice. While everyone else was screaming ‘’corrupt Government’’, ‘’makes no sense’’, and rushing out to buy gazillions of cartons of cigarettes to stock up for the apocalypse, (as opposed to those that rushed out to buy gazillions of rolls of toilet paper), I chose to reason that once my remaining box was finished, I would be forced to give up smoking. Yaaay, the liberating feeling of me soon becoming a non smoker….my last surviving crutch…..was AMAZEBALLS!!

So there I was, during lockdown, smoking two and a half cigarettes a day. I just do not have the energy or inclination to discuss the logic behind the ”half” cigarette, so I shall just move on. I took up my newfound healthy pastime of walking….…just to keep busy and my mind off smoking, and also to ensure that if I did contract COVID, I would be aware of it immediately. What with the minuscule amount of nicotine in my lungs, and my plan to have my machine well oiled, I was bound to pick up the fact that that dreaded plague had entered my body!! So, that was the plan…..

But back to my sleep deprivation! I have never slept well. As an infant…nope. My poor mother suffered endlessly with me, and apparently so did my oldest brother. I suspect, him being thirteen at the time, had the sense to know when my mother, the most patient and gentle natured human, had reached her limits. So, possibly he would take over for my own protection! As a child………forget about it, and as a teenager, when all other teenagers were ”growing” until 12 noon……..NOPE.

When I was about due with my first child, every person told me to enjoy my sleep….never had!! Of course, as I mentioned previously, it was then even harder for me to get some sleep, as then I had given birth to a shocking sleeper (yes, Karma), who dictated when I could actually sleep. So I was not sleeping as I never had, AND, when I would have ordinarily caught some sleep, Lord Fauntleroy was having none of it!!

So, according to Doctor Google, an ideal night’s sleep involves four to five 90-minute cycles of different phases of sleep as the night progresses. There is ”wake” (check), ”light sleep” (check), ”deep sleep” (not so much) and ”REM” (NEVER!!!!). The learned Doctor goes on to say that in the deep sleep phase (not so much), the body relaxes even further. Well there you bloody are!!! No wonder I NEVER relax. My body has never experienced this thing they call ‘’relax’’!! Then the REM phase (NEVER), is believed to benefit learning, memory, and mood , and a lack thereof may have adverse implications for physical and emotional health. Well knock me over with a feather!! Fifty five years of attempted self diagnosis and it is all starting to fall in place!! NOT ENOUGH SLEEP!!

The reasons have always been many. Sometimes it is stress, and my mind is racing. Sometimes I am tossing and turning for no reason at all. I have been known to have phases where I would be cooking, baking or making glycerin soaps to pass the sleepless nights away. Sometimes I almost intentionally wake up to catch up on my TV viewing. Well currently, it appears, I wake up to eat!!!!

So last night, I had a pretty normal night….for me….slept at around 9pm, woke up at around 11pm, had a ”little” snack, slept and woke up at around 1am, had another little snack….I mean one surely feels peckish two hours after a little ‘’snack’’, went back to sleep, and by 3 am was up and making my breakfast!! After shoveling the filled to the top bowl of porridge down my gullet, I had my best sleep until 5am, and proceeded to get ready for work.

Now, if one were to remove the last part of the sentence, one would swear this was describing the night of a newborn!!!

Although you might think that this is all going to lead to the fact that I had ultimately given up the filthy habit of smoking during COVID, and hence have become one with newborn eating habits in the evening….of course not, where there is demand…..there is supply……and there I was, a first time dabbler on ‘the black market” in order to get my next box of cigarettes!! So the answer to your question, is nope still a smoker……AND an every two hour at night snacker.

So I thought…try sleep later….uh uh, no improvement…..try eat later…..still not… later and more…..nope, still doing the midnight fairy thing. I do not wake up and eat because I am hungry. I wake up and eat because it is another filthy habit I have adopted, and my demented and deranged brain insists, as it always has, with sticking to a routine!! Unfortunately, whether it is a beneficial or destructive routine is never the issue with me. AS LONG AS I STICK TO THE ROUTINE!!

Now recently we have been exposed to the hype of the miraculous CBD products. When I first heard about them, I was horrified. These people are advertising weed…dagga….grass…hash….. cannabis….marijuana?? I was shocked to say the least!! I mean, sure, I had recently dabbled in the dark underworld of the black market, but this was a whole new level!!

Once it was REPEATEDLY explained to me that CBD was just an extract of cannabis, and would perform miracles of ANY and EVERY nature, I still was very suspicious of this. Everyone and their granny had used it for some or other issue, and the results were ‘’amazing’’. It started reminding me of the adverts we sometimes see on our side of the world, which go something like this:-



Heart disease;





High blood pressure;

High cholesterol;



Weight loss/gain;

Premature ejaculation; and

Penis Enlargement.

……..AMONG OTHER THINGS (huh…what is left??)

So although I was convinced that the Baby Boomers/Generation Jonesés/Generation X’s and Xennials were being unashamedly exploited by the legalization of weed, out of sheer desperation, I became a statistic in the CBD oil user pool a few weeks ago.

Has it helped? Not even an iota!!!!!

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