Truth OR Bliss?

Now because I am unfiltered, intolerant, grumpy and ……um….well….HONEST, people in the know are totally aware of the fact that I am the go to person to ask a question to which they are requiring an honest answer. I mean…what other answer would suffice?? Well, apparently, to many, the answer that they wanted to hear! Now me….. nope…. ask, and ye shall receive! It really is the only way I know. I have been told many times over the years by some, that this (personality defect) is what  they love about me. But of course, the other 99,9% of the people that know me are not really asking for the truth, and either tend to have a horrified look on their faces when I answer their question, or have been in the presence of me answering someone else’s question. So, for those that know me good and proper, either ask for my truth, or, if it is bliss you are after…. choose to ask someone nicer.

Literally….if I get asked a question to which I am aware my answer might be offensive, I will always ask, ‘’do you want the honest answer?” If they say no, I ask them to ask someone else. That is the extent of my filter…….which actually I find very honourable, don’t you?? Well, think about it…….if you want the truth, brace yourself, if you want some sugar coated lame lie…….move along!! Say what you want, personally I think by giving the person the option, I behave honourably!!

So, because I am that person, I absolutely love, appreciate and trust people that grant me the same courtesy to any questions that I might have. I have had most of my friends in my life for over fifteen years (hard to believe, I know), and have learnt who will be honest with me, and who will lie through their teeth just to make me feel better. There is, in addition, ‘’my person’’, who will lie through her teeth, but everything else on her face tells the truth. So sometimes I do run things by her, but she also thinks I am a bit batsh**t crazy, so I try not to ask anything controversial or sensitive, as she quietly goes into Neurogenic shock, which is unpleasant to witness!! She is also the one that has quite happily managed to channel her batsh**t crazy comments and opinions through me over the years.

I have no problem with being her Lucifer mouthpiece, as we kind of know each other so well, and are very similar in our way of thinking. However that similarity comes to an abrupt end when it comes to sensitivity and ,to a certain extent, tolerance. So she remains the ultimate lady, and I take her cues by verbalizing what she wishes she could have, when she has thrown me the bait. This is an unspoken, and most certainly UNMENTIONED agreement between us, which has worked well over the years. Not even sure if it is deliberate, but I do know we both feel better having aired our grievances (even if hers are aired through me).

So an example of my desire for the truth relates to a decision I had make with relation to my one cub, Salt, recently. I discussed the circumstances and my decision I had come to with my tribe of friends, as one does….well as I do, since I don’t have their dad to discuss it with, and they all backed my decision 1000%. Then a while later, the circumstances called for me to reassess my decision. The initial reason for me deciding not to do something had not changed. Just a little time had passed and a couple of related things occurred. But the crux of the argument in favour of my original decision remained unchanged. I reluctantly changed my mind, as I felt it was the only option. Next time I saw my tribe, they asked for updates on the issue at hand, and I updated them (quite sheepishly, as I assumed they would totally disagree with my change of heart), and, again, they backed me 1000%. Now, I realize it sounds feasible, as if the circumstances changed, their opinion could have changed. But that is not what happened in this particular situation. That 1000% original consensus, still applied even though my decision had changed. So what this tells me, is that my friends will back me 1000% no matter what. Sounds like any person’s idea of dream friends. Yes, indeed, but what I wanted was their honest truth!!

Then, on the opposite end of the scale, there is the only person in my world who is even more ruthless and honest than me. She goes further by insulting people (often their appearances), just by trying to be helpful. She literally has no clue what she is doing, and truly means well….and I LOVE her for it. So refreshing!! The only thing that would be even better, was if she spent more time with my regular tribe, who know her, but hardly see her. You see, if they were around her more often, she would make me look like a paragon of virtue!! But to be honest, she pretty much dislikes everyone and everything……in the world….. and will not be wasting any of her time on nitter natter or chit chat!!

I have mentioned her previously, as she was my walking partner for many years, and I would ask her any question that I ever had, even if it was not relevant any longer. Sometimes, I just needed to know if I had made the right decision back in 1923.

So, recently I was told that I ‘’looked tired’’. This is something I have regularly been told over the years. There are a multitude of reasons for this. Firstly….uuuum….I AM mostly tired. Never mastered the art of a decent night’s sleep, and am just a busy puppy generally. To add to the problem, I am a sinus suffererer, so black rings are kind of standard issue with sinus sufferers. Now, being told that you are ’’tired’’ is neither a compliment, nor the start of a compassionate conversation. No, it is merely a ‘’filtered’’ way of being told that you are an old haggardy and raggardy someone with puffy black ringed eyes. Being told that after 50, is a ‘’filtered’’ way of being asked, ‘’at what point will you accept that botox and fillers need to be included in your monthly budget??”

So of course, getting ready for work the next morning, I decided I was going to try harder, and give the people a better version of what I had thus far put forward (relax…only aesthetically… way I was going to become a better person!!!!!).  I spent about 10 minutes on my old haggardy and raggardy face, which is another person’s daily regime amounts to at least an hour.

Ten minutes later, I plucked up the courage to look at myself in the mirror (you know…as I would look to others), thought to myself okay, not great, but better, and  off I went on my merry way to work. As I left, I passed my more honest than me friend, taking her morning walk. After we finished with the pleasantries (about five seconds), she pointed at my face and asked ‘’What is going on here? Why don’t you put some lipstick on at least?’’ Granted, I did not have lipstick on, but the rest of the palette was a bloody ten minute masterpiece!!

So knowing I would get the truth, I asked whether she was saying I did not look good, and she unapologetically replied ‘’yes’’.

Dammit, where was that lying, untruthful tribe when I needed them??

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