What to Cook for Dinner.

So, this meme got me thinking…..about a problem almost EVERY mother faces! I am going to find this so refreshing…you know….to be writing about something that EVERYONE agrees with me on. This is not me having an opinion, or blogging on an observation, where generally everyone disagrees or thinks I am a ranting lunatic. This is FACT!! Yay…maybe we can bond!!

Now before I misrepresent myself in any way, I need to clarify that I was never what would be considered a gourmet chef….or even a chef!! I had my stages where I was enveloped in cooking and baking, but that was normally a byproduct of a stressful situation which meant I was not sleeping, or trying to distract myself from myself.

Overall, I am not very particular when it comes to food. In fact, my mom regularly used to take a few leftover meals, throw them in a pot, and call the dish ‘’mush’’. I loved me some mush!

Growing up, I remember my mom repeatedly saying, ‘’a holiday for me is anywhere where I don’t have to think about what to cook every day.’’ 

Now, at the time, I just thought she was being a Martyr. Well….here is but one of MUCH karmic retribution that has stealthily crept into my life, particularly when it comes to my mom! Mom, I hear you, I get you and I feel you. Who would ever have thought that WHAT to cook was way more arduous than the cooking itself??

Now my sons have driven me to all shades of furious when it comes to preparing meals for them. Firstly, I have Pepper…..likes ANY meal that is purchased or prepared OUTSIDE the home. Pepper needs to make loads of money one day, as he literally could eat three meals a day from anywhere else, except home. I definitely need to put this as a huge positive in my “Finding a Wife for My Son” Brochure! I mean….that has to be seen as total win for his wife to be!!

He would love his own personal chef, who would ensure that every meal was presented looking like a culinary delight. What would be on the plate would be of little to no significance. What would be of the utmost importance, would be that it looked expensive, was suitable for a rich and successful man (such as he would need to be to achieve this goal), and would make him feel extremely important!! Key to this would be that there would be different food groups….lots if possible. Oh…..and NO LEFTOVERS…..like EVER!! Leftovers include anything he might not have finished 30 minutes before he felt a tad peckish again.

This last mentioned irritating trait, he definitely got from his dad! Dad never UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES did leftovers. No ‘’mush’’ that I grew up on for The King and The Prince…..no way…no how!!!!

So that there is the eating habits of my Pepper.

Now, Salt….as Salt is, is the polar opposite of Pepper. Salt hates anything that might possibly be considered healthy. He would never even give anything that might have grown in a garden (other than potatoes) a try. But he could do leftovers, and the simpler the better. Home cooked meals….never a problem.

So there I was, trying to make everyone happy. Now, maybe my mistake, but we never all sat down to one meal. No, fool that I was, I tried to cater for everyone’s needs. No one knows the sense of delight one gets when everyone eats everything and enjoys and appreciates what you have cooked (other than a person who does the cooking!) When the food critics are not giving positive feedback, we say ‘’that’s fine, if you don’t like it don’t eat it’’, but what we are actually thinking is, next time I will try harder, I must try harder…maybe more sauce?? And so the road much travelled continues.

And don’t even get me started on the dreaded SCHOOL LUNCHBOXES!! This will just be too stressful for me to even discuss……and I know EVERY mother gets me on this!!

So to save my sanity, I continue with my efforts to try harder…do better, when it comes to meal planning for Prince Pepper and Squire Salt!

In the past, I have had moments when I have told Pepper…..especially when he was still but a peppercorn, that if he did not eat what I had prepared, he would have to stay hungry, as I was not about to make something else for him. And, you know what? The little degenerate went without the meal. He was never really particular about WHETHER he ate, just WHAT he ate. So, obviously I was the one that suffered with the feelings of guilt and anguish…and gave him an extra special, double sized meal at the next meal.

Then there were moments where I begged….no, pleaded for my children to sit with me so we could draw up a menu plan. Whatever they wanted, my Prince and Squire…..I just needed guidance …help in understanding what was expected of me in the planning of Their Worship’s meals????? But noooooooooooooooooo, the same reply came every time…..‘’mom you can cook anything, I don’t mind.’’

But ANYTHING WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH…..they minded…they critiqued….they had lied!!!!!!! What makes us even more pitiful, is the next time we hear the words ”anything, I don’t mind”, we believe that on that particular instance, they won’t mind. Like an emotionally abused caregiver…we just keep coming back for more, in the hope that ONE day, our children will honestly eat anything….. and not mind!!!! 

So in between we have our moments of despondency, where we attempt to sort the little nuggets out, and we behave like juveniles. 

”Fine, I won’t cook for you anymore, nothing I ever cook is good enough for you. You guys need to sort yourselves out. I just don’t know what to cook anymore,” we say, half hoping that that there will be the very last time we will ever have to hear our meals being critiqued, or even better, that our children will begin cooking for themselves….forever…..until the end of time.

In your head, you already start planning what you are going to do with all this free time that will be opening up. A hobby perhaps….and NO….NOT COOKING LESSONS!!!!!!!!!!!

So, our new lives begin…yay….day one…..as many children as you have, will be as many times that you hear that fridge door open and close, between 500 to 1000 times a day! As many children as you have, will be as many times that you hear the words ”there is never anything in this fridge”. These words could be uttered, literally, the minute you are back from the shops, and the fridge is the fullest it will be until your next shop!

You see, what the words  ”there is never anything in this fridge” actually mean, is that my mother is on strike, and there are no COOKED, READY TO EAT meals in the fridge.It is at that moment that the penny drops (just for a nanosecond mind you), that Mom doesn’t just open the fridge, and grab a meal for them. Noooooooo, mom defrosts something from the freezer (that little ice box that they assumed was just to freeze ice cubes), has to think about what she is going to make as accompaniments to this item, and how to spice it up, so it is different from the last 450 000 times she has cooked it.

Oh…and sorry for me, but my house always has a defective fridge. Each time you open the door, nothing else has miraculously appears….it is still the same things that were there 30 seconds ago!!

So invariably, to save the fridge door losing it’s hinges, and the mess that our kids have made, when attempting to maybe cook a meal, we go back to cooking meals for the unappreciative degenerates, and phone to cancel our woodwork classes that we had booked..