“A New Chapter”…….for some that sounds exciting. For me……..not so much! I prefer everything in my life to stay constant…..you know…. continuous…uninterrupted. Of course I am totally aware that this is not a healthy attitude! If things are not going so great, why in the world would one not want change? How does one grow without change? Yes…got it….agree with it…..but still need continuity to remain in my safe place.
Another one of my (many) character flaws, is that I am only comfortable if I am in control of a situation…in the driver’s seat, so to speak. I don’t cherish this little flaw, as I then only have myself to blame if things go awry.
Having said that, I am beginning to understand why I so value continuity. There is less need to make those decisions that I feel only I can make, you know……the ones that only I can be held accountable for when things go awry??
Yes, as will become apparent if you are a regular reader of my blogs, my head is not one that I would suggest you attempt to live in!! However, to be totally fair to myself, these unappealing traits only really came to the fore in a major way after I became exclusively responsible for the life and times of myself and my two children!! So that’s that then!! It was a coping mechanism. It helped me run our lives efficiently for all those years. Yes….that’s it….totally understandable…..not even remotely my fault……be a dear…..just smile and nod!!!
So you can imagine the calm, peaceful and dignified manner (not) in which I handled post Corona. You know…that point where myself, and a lot of people, realized that our lives didn’t just pause briefly, only to continue as BC (Before Corona). The winds of change were blowing. Damn those winds!! Be gone with you!!
In but one of the areas of my life where it became apparent that change was inevitable, was my business JEEKS. Circumstances led me to opening JEEKS, a party venue, nearly 15 years ago. No, not my entrepreneurial and free spirited nature, in case you were wondering! I had to do something, and had a totally out of character moment, and just did it. This was in total contrast to my usual life choices, which was debating with myself…..maybe I should….. um nooooo…… yes must try, what is the worst that can go wrong….. everything, everything can go wrong…..but if you don’t try you won’t succeed…but I don’t want to fail….abort idea……you know…..just the normal debates one has with oneself?
Over the years, I have invested my entire being, financially, emotionally and physically into my venue. It was (and still is) an extension of me. There have been stages where I have had to step back and see where I could reinvent the venue. A lot of the clientele were regulars, and eventually parents got bored of the same surroundings all the time. Not the kids mind you, they never got bored of the venue, but the kids were not the clients! So yes….frightening stages…..change and all, but all needed to be done!
Of course being a party venue, and an outdoor one at that, it is very seasonal. Winters and school holidays always see a drop in bookings. New party venues come and go. And although this happens year in and year out, together with my identifying when the venue needed to be reinvented or needed a change, I would still, each and every time, be consumed with anxiety that that was the end of the road for my business….my extension of me.
So, post Corona, the bookings have been trickling in slowly, the slowest it has ever been since opening. That, in addition to being locked down for many months, being the last level of business permitted to open again, has been the hardest time for the venue since I have opened. It is understandable, as I think it will take some time before a lot of people will feel comfortable booking for parties again.
Taking into account my need to control, coupled with my ‘’no change’’ agreement I had with…well someone out there, who certainly did not keep to their side of the deal……one would think that this would have led me to becoming certifiable.
Strangest thing though…..because this situation is out of my control (you know….that control that I have been clinging onto incessantly for forever and a day?), I almost feel calm. Well, I think this is what they refer to as calm…..yes, I do feel calm….yes calm….I am calm…..I have no control…….vis major……wow, is this how normal people live?? I want me some of this!!
So yes, it is not me…..it is not my venue…..it is simply a matter of staying calm, acknowledging that this is beyond my control, trusting that this too shall pass, and that JEEKS will survive the storm!
2 thoughts on “MY CONTROL HAS BEEN OUTSOURCED!!!”
Namaste indeed, I too am struggling to let go of control, not that we ever really have it.
This is true! It is liberating though, maybe when I grow up, I will be able to let go of it voluntarily xxx